rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
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Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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