they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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