Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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