I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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