I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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