if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
