i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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