There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
