Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
