Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
