Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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