So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today