He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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