Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be