took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.