I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder