Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
there is glitter all over my balls
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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