Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
