If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
