I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
