Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
