we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
