I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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