idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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