So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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