i already hear my dad disowning me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
