Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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