My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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