whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
