What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
