so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
