youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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