I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.