I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess