you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.