I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you win again, gameday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.