i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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