I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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