You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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