[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
