YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
