dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
