hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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