you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
