Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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