P.S. I can't hear my feet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize