You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
