Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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