I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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