i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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