Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
