Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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