When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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