Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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