nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
