A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
