in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
