where am i from again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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