she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
