its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
