I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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