Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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