if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will pee on everything he values.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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