were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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