yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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