I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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